*Note:  Because I am a spaz and I'm completely insane, I quoted a lot of these lines from memory.  So if you notice that anything is wrong, let me know by sending me some email, and I'll fix it.  :)

Season 1
2  3 4  5  6 7  8  9 movie  main

"You gotta love this place.  Every day's like Halloween."  ~Mulder in the Pilot

"You're saying that time disappeared. Time can't just disappear. It's a universal invariant!"
[Dead car starts itself]
"Not in this zip code."  ~Scully/Mulder in the Pilot

"Tell me I'm crazy."
"Mulder. Youíre crazy."  ~Mulder/Scully in Deep Throat

"Why is it that true believers are not dissuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?"
"Because all the evidence to the contrary is not entirely dissuasive."  ~Deep Throat/Mulder in Deep Throat

"They're here aren't they?"
"Mr. Mulder, *they've* been here for a very long time."  ~Mulder/Deep Throat in Deep Throat

"Grey. You said green men. A reticulan's skin tone is actually grey. They're notorious for their extraction of terrestrial human livers due to iron depletion in the Reticulan galaxy."
"You can't be serious."
"Do you have any idea what liver and onions go for on Reticula?"  ~Mulder/Colton in Squeeze

"You seemed a little territorial.  I don't know--forget it."
[plays with her necklace]  "Of course I was."  ~Scully/Mulder in Squeeze

"Maybe I run into so many people who are hostile just because they can't open their minds to the possibilities that sometimes the need to mess with their heads outweighs the... millstone of humiliation."  ~Mulder in Squeeze

"It smells like... I think it's bile."
"Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without betraying my cool exterior?"  ~Scully/Mulder in Squeeze

"Is this what it takes to climb the ladder, Colton?"
"All the way to the top."
"Then I can't wait 'til you fall off and land on your ass."  ~Scully/Colton in Squeeze

"Who was that on the phone?"
"A guy."
"A guy. Same guy as the guy you had dinner with the other night?"
"Same guy."
"You going to have dinner with him again?"
"I don't think so."
"No interest?"
"Not at this time."  [Walking to the door]
"What are you doing?"
" Going with you to the Smithsonian."
"Don't you have a life, Scully?"
"Keep it up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that beast woman."  ~Mulder/Scully in Jersey Devil

"I would never lie; I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation."  Mulder in Shadows

"Do you know how difficult it is to fake your own death? Only one man has pulled it off. Ellll-vis!"  ~Mulder in Shadows

[While taking off his pants]  "Before anyone judges, remember, we ARE in the Arctic." ~Mulder in Ice  (submitted by Holly "Sugar")

"How can I disprove lies that are stamped with an official seal? You can deny all the things Iíve seen, all the things Iíve discovered, but not for much longer because too many others know whatís happening out there. And no one, no government agency, has jurisdiction over the truth."  ~Mulder in Fallen Angel

"Always keep your friends close, Mr. McGrath, but keep your enemies closer."  ~Deep Throat in Fallen Angel

"And one girl was just abducted."
"Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."  ~Mulder/Scully in Eve

"You, and you, have 46 chromosomes in twenty-three pairs.  The Adams, me, the Eves... we have 56.  We have extra chromosomes: numbers four, five, twelve, eighteen, and twenty two.  This replication of chromosomes also produces additional genes. Heightened strength, heightened intelligence..."
"Heightened psychosis."
"Save the best for last."  ~Eve 6/Mulder in Eve

"Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower."  ~Scully in Fire

"[In British accent] Care to take me to lunch?" [Mulder looks up, startled.] "Did I scare you?"
"You have no idea."  ~Scully/Mulder in Fire

"Well I came here to tell you, that if he dies because of what youíve done, four days from now nobody will stop me from being the one thatíll throw the switch and gas you out of this life for good, you son-of-a-bitch!!"  ~Scully (about Mulder) in Beyond the Sea

"There's something up there, Mulder."
"Ooh, I've been saying that for years." ~Scully/Mulder in Genderbender

"Swamp gas?"
"It's a natural phenomenon in which phosphine and methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, creating globes of blue flame."
"Happens to me when I eat Dodger Dogs."  ~Mulder/Scully in E.B.E

"He's been put into power by the most heinous and evil force of the 20th century."
"Barney?"  ~Byers/Mulder in E.B.E.

"And a lie, Mr. Mulder, is most convincingly hidden between two truths."  ~Deep Throat in E.B.E.

"Those were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you can think that what they say is even remotely plausible."
"I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot."  ~Scully/Mulder in E.B.E.

"Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of manhood."
"Right, what am I looking for?"
"Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable... a boyfriend?"  ~Mulder/Scully in Darkness Falls

"Excuse me! Could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Elkhound. His name is Heinrich. I use him to hunt Moose."  ~Mulder in Tooms

"No, youíd be in trouble just sitting in this car. And Iíd hate to see you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me."
"I... I even made my parents call me Mulder... Mulder."
"Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you." [pause]
"If there's an iced tea in that bag, could be love..."
"Must be fate, Mulder...  Root Beer. [Mulder fakes a wounded sound and throws his head back] You're delirious. Go home and get some sleep."  ~Mulder/Scully in Tooms

"I don't think they'll be performing this experiment on Beakman's World."  ~Mulder in Roland

"I've gone along, been the dutiful son. But maybe this time we can just cut out the Obi-Wan Kenobi crap and you can save me the trouble."  ~Mulder (to Deep Throat) in The Erlenmeyer Flask

[Holding up jar] "Okay, Mulder, but I'm warning you. If this is monkey pee, you're on your own."  ~Scully in The Erlenmeyer Flask

Season 2
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"Seeing is not enough, I should have something to hold onto. Some solid evidence. I learned that from you."  ~Mulder (to Scully) in Little Green Men

"No, Gorge, don't touch the red button. Noho on the Roho. "  ~Mulder in Little Green Men

"Deep Throat said 'Trust No One'. It's hard, Scully. Suspecting everyone, everything. It wears you down. You even begin to doubt what you know is the truth. Before, I could only trust myself. Now, I can only trust you. And they've taken you away from me."  ~Mulder in Little Green Men

"Evidence is worthless if you're dead."  ~Scully in Little Green Men

"I still have my work. I still have you. I still have myself."  ~Mulder in Little Green Men

"Mind if I sit here?"
"I have to warn you, Iím having violent impulses."
"Iím armed. Iíll take my chances."  ~Scully/Mulder in The Host

"Mind if I sit here?"
"Okay, but I have to warn you, I may reek of sewage."
"I'll take my chances."  ~Scully/Mulder in The Host

"So, Mulder, whereís your little partner?"
"She wouldnít come. Sheís afraid of her love for you."
"Sheís tasty."
"You know Frohike, itís men like you that give perversion a bad name."  ~Frohike/Mulder in Blood

"Must be nice not having someone questioning your every move, poking holes in your theories."
"Oh, yeah, it's great. I'm surprised I put up with you for so long." [sad pause]  ~Scully/Mulder in Sleepless

"Why? Do they have something on him?"
"They have something on everyone, Mr. Mulder. The question is when they'll use it."  ~Mulder/Mr. X in Ascension

"They only have one policy: Deny Everything."  ~Mr. X in Ascension

"Why is it so dark in here?"
"'Cause the lights aren't on."  ~Melissa Scully/Mulder in One Breath

"Good work sneaking out these charts."
"I tucked them in my pants."
"There's plenty of room down there."  ~Byers/Frohike/Mulder  in One Breath

"Didnít expect you here till after visiting hours."
"There was a man, he took Scullyís blood."
"Forget him."
"Get that gun out of my face..."
"This high-capacity compact Sig Saver .40 caliber weapon is pointed at your head to stress my insistence that your search for who put your partner on that respirator desist immediately!"
"You ignore my call for help and then you expect me to do what you say? You can go to hell!"
"You got him killed! You got her killed. Thatís not going to happen to me. Youíre my tool, you understand? I come to you when I need you. Right now, youíre heading in a direction that can lead them right here."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Youíre not supposed to know. Thatís the point."
"I owe her more than just sitting around doing nothing."
"She was a good soldier, Mulder, but thereís nothing you can do to bring her back."
"Sheís not dead."
[laughs] "Listen to you. Listen. Youíre a damn schoolboy, Mulder. You have no idea. No idea!"
"Okay, then tell me. Tell me!"
"I used to be you. I was where you are now. But youíre not me, Mulder. I donít think you have the heart. Walk away. Grieve for Scully and then never look back. You will be able to live with yourself, Mulder... on the day you die."  ~Mr. X/Mulder  in One Breath

"Hello, Starbuck. Itís Ahab. People would say to me, 'Life is short.' 'Kids, they grow up fast,' and 'Before you know it, itís over.' I never listened. For me, life went at a proper pace. There were many rewards... until the moment that I knew, I... understood that... that I would never see you again... my little girl. Then my life felt as if it had been the length of one breath, one heartbeat. I never knew how much I loved my daughter until I could never tell her. At that moment, I would have traded every medal, every commendation, every promotion for... one more second with you. Weíll be together again, Starbuck. But not now. Soon."  ~Capt. Scully in One Breath

"Howíd you find me?"
"Shut up! Tonight, I ask the questions! Youíre going to answer me, you son of a bitch!"
"Donít try and threaten me, Mulder. Iíve watched presidents die."
[He puts a cigarette in his mouth. Mulder smacks it out. Cancer Man looks shocked.]
"Why her? Why her and not me? Answer me!"
"I like you. I like her too. Thatís why she was returned to you."
"You should be the one to die."
"Why? Look at me. No wife, no family, some power. Iím in the game because I believe what Iím doing is right."
"Right? Who are you to decide whatís right?"
"Who are you? If people were to know the things I know, it would all fall apart. I told Skinner you shot the man in the hospital but I didnít really believe it. And here you are with a gun to my head. I have more respect for you, Mulder. Youíre becoming a player. You can kill me now, but youíll never know the truth... [Mulder begins to pull the trigger and then stops]...and thatís why Iíll win.  Donít worry. Thisíll be our secret. We wouldnít want others toÖ start rumors."  ~Mulder/Smoking Man in One Breath

"I got you a present... Superstars of the Super bowls."
"I knew there was a reason to live."  ~Mulder/Scully in One Breath

"You still believe you can petition heaven to get some penetrating answer."  Trepcose in Firewalker

"Whatever tape you found in that VCR isn't mine."
"Good, because I put it back in the drawer with all those other tapes that aren't yours."  ~Mulder/Scully in Excelsius Dei

"I'm 74 years old. I've got plumbing older than this building. Hmm? [opening his robe]  And it doesn't work much better neither."
"Thank you for sharing."  ~Hal/Mulder in Excelsius Dei

"I've always felt that dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask."  ~Mulder in Aubrey

"The conquest of fear lies in the moment of its acceptance. And understanding what scares us most is that which is most familiar, most common place. That boy next door, Donnie Pfaster, the unremarkable younger brother of four older sisters, extraordinary only in his ordinariness, could grow up to be the devil in a buttoned-down shirt. It's been said that the fear of the unknown is an irrational response to the excesses of the imagination. But our fear of the everyday, of the lurking stranger, and the sound of foot-falls on the stairs. The fear of violent death and the primitive impulse to survive, are as frightening as any x-file, as real as the acceptance that it could happen to you."  ~Mulder's voice-over in Irresistible

"What happened to me out on the ice has justified every belief. If I should die now it will be with the certainty that my faith has been righteous. And if through death larger mysteries are revealed I will have already learned the answer to the question that has driven me here. That there is intelligent life in the universe other than our own. That they are here among us. And that they have begun to colonize."  ~Mulder in Colony

"You wanted to see me?"
"How was the opera?"
"Wonderful. I've never slept better. I don't like these hasty public meetings, Agent Mulder."
"I'm sorry. I need your help."
"It's over. The fat lady is singing."  ~Mr. X/Mulder in Colony

"The key to winning the war, Mr. Mulder, is knowing which battles to fight."  ~Mr X. in End Game

"Agent Fox Mulder lost consciousness at approximately 4:30 this morning, the 12th of March. There is nothing more I can do for him, or for myself. Supplies are exhausted, no food or liquid consumed for over 24 hours. The outer hull most probably flooded, though for now the inner hull is supporting the ship's mass. Among Halverson's belongings, I found a children's book of Norse legends. From what I can tell, the pictures show the end of the world - not in a sudden firestorm of damnation as the Bible teaches us, but in a slow covering blanket of snow. First the moon and the stars will be lost in a dense white fog, then the rivers and the lakes and the sea will freeze over. And finally a wolf named Skoll will open his jaws and eat the sun, sending the world into an everlasting night. I think I hear the wolf at the door."  ~Scully's voice-over from Dod Kalm

"Tell me, have you done much circus work in your life?"
"And what makes you think I've ever spectated a circus? Much less been enslaved by one?"
"I know that many of the citizens here are former circus hands, and I just thought that..."
"You thought that because I am a person of short stature, that the only career I could procure for myself would be one confined to the so-called 'Big Top'. You took one quick look at me, and decided that you could deduce my entire life. Never did it occur to you that a person of my height could have possibly obtained a degree in Hotel Management."
"I'm sorry. I meant no offense."
"Well then why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make instantaneous judgements of others based solely upon their physical appearances? Well I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your all-American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded that you work for the government; an FBI agent... but do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly deduced you to a stereotype. A caricature, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual."
"But I am an FBI agent."  ~Mulder/Mr. Nut in Humbug

"Did you know that throught the protective Chinese art of Tu Bwan you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?"
"Oh, Iím doing that as we speak."  ~Dr. Blockhead/Mulder in Humbug

"I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed jigsaw-puzzle-tattooed naked guy I saw."  ~Mulder in Humbug

"I donít answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer."
"Whoís your lawyer?"
"I represent myself."  ~Dr. Blockhead/Mulder in Humbug

"...Nonsensical repetitive behavior is a common trait of mental illness."
"You trying to tell me something?"  ~Scully/Mulder in Soft Light

"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you, Scully."  ~Mulder in Soft Light

"You took my gun. You think I did it don't you?"
"I took your gun to run it through ballistics to try and clear you, Mulder."
"Well why didn't you ask me?"
"You had a temperature of 102 last night I didn't want to wake you."
"What were you afraid that I was gonna shoot you too?"
"Mulder, I'm being called into Skinners office this afternoon, they're gonna want answers and I'd like some good ones to give them."
"So you can clear your conscience and your name?! You've been making reports on me since the beginning Scully, taking your little notes!"
"Mulder you're sick, you're not thinking straight, I'm on your side. You know that."
"Look you have my files and you have my gun. Don't ask me for my trust."  ~Mulder/Scully in Anasazi

Season 3
1  2 4  5  6 7  8  9 movie  main

"Come on now, YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF!!!"  ~Daren Peter Oswald in D.P.O

"Her name is BAMBI?!?!"  ~Scully in War of the Coprophages  (submitted by Karen "LilMsMissy")

"Sure. Fine. [SNAP of latex glove] Whatever."   ~Scully in Syzygy  (submitted by Karen "LilMsMissy")

"I'm driving. Why do you always have to drive? Because you're the guy? Because you're the big macho man?"
"No. I was just never sure your little feet could reach the pedals."  ~Scully/Mulder in Syzygy  (submitted by Karen "LilMsMissy")

"We are but visitors on this rock, hurtling through time and space at sixty-six thousand miles an hour. Tethered to a burning sphere by an invisible force and an unfathomable universe. This most of us take for granted while refusing to believe these forces have any more effect on us than a butterfly beating itís wings halfway around the world. Or that two girls, born on the same date, the same time and the same place, might not find themselves the unfortunate focus of similar unseen forces. Converging like the planets themselves into burning pinpoints of cosmic energy, whose absolute gravity would threaten to swallow and consume everything in its path. Or maybe the answer lies even further from our grasp."  ~Mulder in Syzygy (note- I don't believe this is original material, but I have no idea where it actually came from.)

"We work in the dark.  We do what we can to battle the evil that would otherwise destroy us.  But if a man's character is his fate, this fight is not a choice but a calling.  Yet sometimes the weight of this burden causes us to falter, breaching the fragile fortress of our mind, allowing the monsters without to turn within.  And we are left alone, staring into the abyss, into the laughing face of madness."  ~Mulder in Grotesque

"Conscience is just the voices of the dead trying to save us from our own damnation."  ~Col. Johansen in Piper Maru

"If one more set of firecrackers goes off, I'm gonna get out and shoot somebody."  ~Mulder in Hell Money

"I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage."  ~Blaine Faulkner in Jose Chung's From Outer Space

"Hey! I just got a call from some crazy bleep-head saying he was an eyewitness to this alien abduction. Do you feel like talking to this blank-hole?"  ~Det. Manners in Jose Chung's From Outer Space

"Some alien encounters are hoaxes perpetrated by your government to manipulate the public. Some of these hoaxes are intentionally revealed to manipulate the truth-seekers who become discredited if they disclose the deliberately absurd deception."  ~Man in Black 1 in Jose Chung's From Outer Space

"You're the only one I trust."  ~Mulder (to Scully) in Wetwired

*These next 2 exchanges are my favorite in all of the X-Files.  They are modeled after those in Dostoyevsky's The Brothers of Karamazou.*

"This becomes a responsibility. The thing I am now called upon to put right and put down. Certainly you expected nothing less."
"I'm not ashamed of my actions."
"Ashamed? You're not allowed the luxury of human weakness in penitence. You're not allowed to put your indulgences ahead of the greater purpose."
"I no longer believe in the greater purpose."
"Then your fate is just."
"My justice is not for you to mete out. You may have reasons, you have no right, you have no means."
"You presume to dictate duty to *me*? Have you any idea what the cost of your action is? What their affect might be? Who are you to give them hope?"
"What do you give them?"
"We give them happiness, and they give us authority."
"The authority to take away their freedom in the guise of democracy."
"Men can never be free, because they're weak, corrupt, worthless and restless.  The people believe in authority, they've grown tired of waiting for miracle or mystery.  Science is their religion, no greater explanation exists for them.  They must never believe any differently if the project is to go forward."
"At what cost to them?"
"The question is irrelevant, and the outcome inevitable, the date is set."
"[Morphing into Deep Throat] At what cost to them for your own selfish benefit?  How many must die at your hand to preserve your stake in the project?"
"I'm not impressed by your miracles or moved by your trickery.  Your justice will be meted out."
"By whom this time, and by what tool?"
"By those who possess the tool of your destruction." ~Cigarette-Smoking Man/Jeremiah Smith in Talitha Cumi

"It's only a matter of time now."
"You put me in a cage, within a cage.  Why are you so afraid of me?"
"I'm not."
"Yes you are, you *live* in your fear, that's your whole life."
"You don't know anything about me."
"I know everything about you. You think the miracles I perform are the extent of my power?"
"You think you're God. You're a drone, a cataloger, chattel!"
"What you're afraid of is... *they'll* believe I'm God."
"It doesn't matter, most of them have ceased to believe in God."
"Because God presents them with no miracles to earn their faith."
"You think when man ceases to believe in miracles, he rejects God?"
"Of course."
"You rule over them in God's name."
"They don't believe in him but they still fear him. They're afraid not to because they're afraid of freedom."
"And you give them happiness."
"We appease their conscience, anyone who can appease a man's conscience can take his freedom away from him."
"[Taking the form of Bill Mulder] And if you can't appease their conscience, you kill 'em but you can't kill em all.  You can't kill their love, which is what makes them who they are, makes them better than us, better than you."
"You talk, I'm not one of you."
"No. All you want is to be part of it, is to be one of the commandants, when the process begins. [morphs back to himself] But you are wrong."
"Oh, am I?"
"Yes.  You are dying of lung cancer."
"It's a lie."
"You think it's a lie?"
"You wanna save your life."
"And you?" ~Cigarette-Smoking Man/Jeremiah Smith in Talitha Cumi

Season 4
1  2 3  5  6 7  8  9 movie  main

"Meanwhile, I've quit the FBI and become a spokesperson for the Ab Roller."  ~Scully in Home

"Hi, I'm Sheriff Andy Taylor."
"For real?"  ~Sheriff Andy Taylor/Mulder in Home

"By the way, this is my deputy, Barney."
"Pastor!"  ~Andy Taylor/Mulder/Barney Pastor in Home

"I guess I was just projecting on myself."
"Why?  Is there a history of genetic abnormalities in your family?"
"Well just find yourself a man with a spotless genetic makeup and a really high tolerance for being second-guessed and start pumping out the little uber-Scullys." [he rubs her back and smiles]
"What about your family?"
[tilts his head suggestively] "Hmm?"
[Scully gives asimilar suggestive head tilt]
"Well aside from the need for corrective lenses and the tendency to be abducted by extra-terrestrials involved in an international governmental conspiracy, the Mulder family passes genetic muster."  [Scully smiles]  ~Scully/Mulder in Home

"Scully, would you think of me as less of a man if I told you I was kind of excited right now?"  ~Mulder in Home

"Hey, I heard you were down here slicin' and dicin'.  Who's the lucky stiff?"  ~Mulder (to Scully) in Teliko

"At times, I almost dream. I, too, have spent a life the sages' way and tread once more familiar paths. Perchance . . . perished in an arrogant self-reliance an age ago . . . and in that act, a prayer for one more chance went up so earnest, so . . . instinct with better light let in by death that life was blotted out not so completely . . . but scattered wrecks enough of it to remain dim memories . . . as now . . . when seems once more . . . the goal in sight again."  ~Mulder in The Field Where I Died

"Dana, if um, early in the four years we've been working together an event occured that suggested or somebody told you that we'd been friends together--in other lifetimes--always...  would it have changed some of the ways we've looked at one another?"
"Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day.  [she pauses] Well, except maybe that Flukeman thing. . .I could have lived without that just fine."  ~Mulder/Scully in The Field Where I Died

"Everybody wants to be beautiful."  ~Mulder in Sanguinarium

"Sink one from there and I'll tell you... [Mulder makes the shot]... You trust a child molester?" ~John Lee Roche in Paper Hearts

"Honest to God serial killer owned my car?  For real?"  ~Kid in Paper Hearts

"It feels good to put my arms around you again... both of them."  ~Mulder (to Scully) in Terma

"All this because I... because I didn't get you a desk?"
"Not everything is about you, Mulder.  This is my life."
"Yes, but it's my..."  ~Mulder/Scully in Never Again

"I feel time like a heartbeat, the seconds pumping in my breast like a reckoning. The numinous mysteries that once seemed so distant and unreal, threatening clarity in the presence of a truth entertained not in youth, but only in it's passage. I feel these words as if their meaning were weight being lifted from me, knowing that you will read them and share my burden, as I have come to trust no other. That you should know my heart, look into it, finding there the memory and experience that belong to you, that are you, is a comfort to me now as I feel the tethers loose and the prospects darkened for the continuance of a journey that began not so long ago, and which began again with a faith shaken and strengthened by your convictions, if not for which I might never have been so strong now as I cross to face you and look at you incomplete, hoping that you will forgive me for not making the rest of the journey with you." ~Scully in Memento Mori  (see the rest of Scully's journal entries from Memento Mori here)

[Singing] "Happy Birthday dear Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully, Happy Birthday to You. . .I didn't know it was your birthday,  Scully." [keeps clapping]
"Mulder, you've never remembered my birthday in the four years I've
 known you."
"That's the way I like to celebrate.  It's every four years, like dog years."
"Dog years?  Thank you."
[smiling] "You're welcome.  Oh, I got something for you."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"It's just something that reminded me of you."
"What, an alien implant?"
"Two, actually.  I made them into earrings."
"Apollo 11."
[smiling] "Read the back."
"Commemorating Apollo 11 and the mission to the moon, July 1969.  I'm touched."
"It's um. . ."
"Excuse me, are you Scully and Mulder?"
"Oh, promise me this isn't leading into something really embarrassing."  ~Mulder/Scully/Sharon Graffia in Tempus Fugit

"Birds do it, bees do it, even educated M.D.'s do it." ~Mulder in Small Potatoes

"Should we be picking out china patterns or what?" ~Mulder (to Scully) in Small Potatoes

"I would have thought that after four years, you'd know exactly what that 'look' was."  ~Scully in Elegy

"I guess I never realized how much I relied on him before this... his passion.  He's been a great source of strength that I've drawn on."  ~Scully (about Mulder) in Elegy

Season 5
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"Let the truth be known though the heavens fall. The web of lies entangling us can now be connected back to the very institution which brought us together. The facts supported by a byzantine plot, executed by someone inside the FBI who, if named could be tied to the hoax meant to destroy me. And to the terminal disease inflicted on Scully. In four years, I have shared my partner's passionate search for the truth. And if my part has been a deception, I have never seen her integrity waver... or her honor compromised. But now, I ask her to lie, to the people that lied to us. A dangerous lie to find the truth. To find the men who would be revealed as its enemy... as OUR enemy. As the enemy within."  ~Mulder in Redux (see the rest of the amazing monologues from this episode here)

"Who cut the cheese?"
"Since you won't be making it to the conference..."
"However, I must remind you, this goes against the bureau's policy of male and female agents consorting in the same motel room while on  assignment."
"Try any of that Tailhook crap on me Scully, and I'll kick your ass."  ~Mulder/Scully in Detour

"I was told once that the best way to regenerate body heat is to  crawl naked into a sleeping bag with somebody else who was already  naked."
"Maybe if it rains sleeping bags you'll get lucky."  ~Mulder/Scully in Detour

"I don't want to wrestle."
"Get over here.  I'm going to try and keep you warm."  ~Mulder/Scully in Detour

"One of us has got to stay awake, Scully."
"You sleep Mulder."
"If you get tired, you wake me."
"I'm not going to get tired."
"Why don't you sing something?"
"No, Mulder."
"Sing something so I know you're awake."
"You don't want me to sing Mulder.  I can't carry a tune."
"It doesn't matter--just sing anything."
"Jeremiah was a bullfrog, was a good friend of mine.  I never  understood a single word he said, but I helped him drink his wine."
"Joy to the world"  ~Mulder/Scully in Detour

"Dear Special Agent Mulder:  Iím writing to you for help. Several years ago I had an experience I could not explain.  I was lying in my bed when I felt a presence in the room.  Though I was awake.  I felt that something had taken control over my body.  I donít remember much else but I woke up three days later pregnant with my son, Izzy.  That was 18 years ago, but now it happened again.  I was in bed and could swear I heard Cher singing... The one who was married to Sonny.  Then the room got all smoky, and I saw some kind of monster.  He had a really gross face with lumps all over his head. I was too scared to scream.  Then I got all groggy and conked out for three days.  Guess what happened when I woke up?  I got your name off the TV.  Some lady on the Jerry Springer show who had a werewolf baby said you came to her house.  Well, I got her story beat by a mile so maybe youíll want to come see me, too.   Sincerely, Shaineh Berkowitz."  ~Post Modern Promethius

"Hey, Scully!  Is this demonstration of boyish agility turning you on at all?" ~Mulder in Schizogeny

"Maybe you don't know what you're looking for."
"Like evidence of conjury or the black arts?  Or shamanism, divination, Wicca, or any kind of pagan or neo-pagan practice?  Charms, cards, familiars, bloodstones, or hex signs, or any kind of the ritual tableau associated with the occult- Santeria, Voudom, Macumba, or any high or low magic--"
"Marry me."  ~Mulder/Scully in Chinga

"Hey, morning, sunshine."
"Yeah.  I was a little worried about you."  ~Mulder/Scully in Chinga

"It's not that Mexican goat sucker either!"  ~Scully in Bad Blood

"Before the exploration of space, of the moon and the planets, man hailed that the heavens were the home and province of powerful gods who controlled not just the vast firmament, but the earthly fate of man himself and that the pantheon of powerful, warring deities, was the cause and reason for the human condition, for the past and the future, and for which great monuments would be created on earth as in heaven. But in time man replaced these gods with new gods and new religions that provided no more certain or greater answers than those worshipped by his Greek or Roman or Egyptian ancestors. And while we've chosen now our monolithic and benevolent gods and found our certainties in science, believers all, we wait for a sign, a revelation. Our eyes turn skyward ready to accept the truly incredible to find our destiny written in the stars. But how do we best look to see? With new eyes or old?"  ~Mulder's voiceover in Patient X

"Tell 'em it's all going to hell!"  ~Krycek in Patient X

"If you look too hard you can go mad, but if you continue to look you become liberated and you come awake as if from a dream, realizing that the lies are there simply to protect what they're advertising:  a government which knows that its greatest strength is not in defense, but in attack."  ~Mulder in Patient X

"Do I look like I'm having fun, Scully?"
"You look constipated, actually."
"That's because I've had my head up my rear end for the past 5 years."  ~Mulder/Scully in Patient X

"One more anal probing gyro pyro levitating eco plasm alien anti-matter story and I'm going to take out my gun and shoot someone."
"Well, I guess I'm done here.  You seem to have invalidated your own work, have a nice life."  ~Mulder/Scully in Patient X

"Five years together, Scully.  You must have seen this coming..."

"You have to be willing to see."
"I wish it were that simple."
"Scully, you have to believe me.  No one else on this whole damned planet does or ever will.  You're my one in... five billion."  ~Mulder/Scully in Folie a Deux

"What do you want me to do?  Shoot him dead?  Splatter his brains?" ~The Smoking Man in The End

"I sense you could have used an ally, though.  Someone who thinks like you."
"You mean Scully?"
"She's not  what I'd call an open mind on the subject."
"She's a scientist.  She just makes me work for everything."
"Yes, but I'm sure there were times when two like minds on a case would have been advantageous."
"I've done alright without you."  ~Fowley (the evil bitch)/Mulder (way to tell her off!) in The End

Season 6
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"I love you."  ~Mulder/Scully in Triangle

"Mulder, it's the dim hope of finding that proof that's kept us in this car, or one very much like it for more nights than I care to remember. Driving hundreds if not thousands of miles through neighborhoods and cities and towns where people are raising families and buying homes and playing with their kids and their dogs, and... in short, living their lives. While we - we - we just keep driving."
"What's your point?"
"Don't you ever just want to stop? Get out of the damn car? Settle down and live something approaching a normal life?"
"This *is* a normal life."  ~Scully/Mulder in Dreamland

"I'm Mulder.  I'm really Mulder.  I switched bodies, places, identities with this man Morris Fletcher the man that you think is Mulder, but he's not.   Of course you don't believe me.  Why was I expecting anything different?  Your full name is Dana Katherine Scully. Your badge number is... Hell! I don't know your badge number.  Your mother's name is Margaret.  Your brother's name is Bill Jr.  He's in the Navy and he hates me.  Lately, for lunch, you've been having this six-ounce cup of yogurt, plain yogurt, into which you stir some bee pollen because you're on a bee pollen kick even though I tell you you're a scientist and you should know better."
" Cheater!"
"Look... Any of that information could have been gathered by anyone."
"Even that yogurt thing? That is so you. That is so Scully. Well, it's good to know you haven't changed. That's somewhat comforting."  ~Mulder/Joanne/Scully in Dreamland

"Once upon a time, there was a guy with the improbable name of Fox Mulder.  He started out life happily enough, as these things go.  He had parents who loved him, a cute kid sister.  He had a roof over his head, got all his flu shots, had all his fingers and toes and aside from being stuck with the name "Fox" which probably taught him how to fight-- or not-- he pretty much led a normal life.  But the worst thing by far-- the biggest kick in the slacks this kid Fox ever got-- was what happened to his sister.  One day, she just disappeared.  Now, Fox buckled down and worked his butt off.  Graduated top of his class at Oxford then top of his class at the FBI academy.  None of that hard work made up for his sister, though.  It was just a way of putting her out of his mind.  Finally, the way I figure it, he went out of his mind and he's been that way ever since.  Fox Mulder pissed away a brilliant career, lost the respect of supervisors and friends and now lives his life shaking his fist at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone who will listen.  If you ask me, he's one step away from pushing a baby carriage filled with tin cans down the street.  But now, all that's going to change."  ~Morris Fletcher's voice-over in Dreamland II

"If I shoot him, is that considered murder or suicide?"
"Neither, if I do it first."  ~Mulder/Scully in Dreamland II

"Is that a hound I hear, baying in the moor?"
"No, that was a left cheek sneak."  ~Scully/Mulder in How the Ghosts Stole Christmas

"I brought you a leg!!"  ~the 'I brought you a leg' girl in Rain King

"Most people want to live forever."
"Most people are idiots."  ~Scully/Fellig in Tithonus

"You ready?"
"Let's get it on, honey."
"All right, then."  ~Scully/Mulder in Arcadia

"Want to make that honeymoon video now?"  ~Mulder in Arcadia

"Woman, get back in here and make me a sandwich.  [Scully tosses rubber gloves in his face]  Did I not make myself clear?"  ~Mulder in Arcadia

"Dear Diary, today my heart leapt when Agent Scully suggested spontaneous human combustion."
"Mulder, there are one or two somewhat well-documented cases. [He nods.]  Mulder, shut up."  ~Mulder/Scully in Trevor

"My life's not so lonely.  It's actually anything but."  ~Scully in Milagro

"In my book I'd written that Agent Scully falls in love, but that's  obviously impossible.  Agent Scully is already in love."  ~Phillip Padget in Milagro

"I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicles."  ~Mulder in The Unnatural

"What you may find is you concentrate on hitting that little ball, the  rest of the world just fades away, all your everyday nagging concerns, the ticking of your biological clock, how you probably couldn't afford that nice, new suede coat on a G-woman's salary, how you threw away a  promising career in medicine to hunt aliens with a crackpot, albeit  brilliant partner getting into the heart of a global conspiracy.  Your obscenely overdue triple-x bill.  Oh, I'm sorry, Scully, those last  two problems are mine, not yours."  ~Mulder in The Unnatural

"From Space, it seems an abstraction-- a magician's trick on a darkened stage. And from this distance one might never imagine that it is alive. It first appeared in the sea almost four billion years ago in the form of single-celled life. In an explosion of life spanning millions of years, nature's first multicellular organisms began to multiply... and then it stopped. 440 million years ago, a great mass extinction would kill off nearly every species on the planet leaving the vast oceans decimated and empty. Slowly, plants began to evolve, then insects, only to be wiped out in the second great mass extinction upon the Earth. The cycle repeated again and again. Reptiles emerging, independent of the sea only to be killed off. Then dinosaurs, struggling to life along with the first birds, fish, and flowering plants - their decimations Earth's fourth and fifth great extinctions. Only 100,000 years ago, Homo Sapiens appear-- man. From cave paintings to the bible to Columbus and Apollo 11, we have been a tireless force upon the earth and off cataloguing the natural world as it unfolds to us. Rising to a world population of over five billion people all descended from that original single cell, that first spark of life. But for all our knowledge, what no one can say for certain, is what or who ignited that original spark. Is there a plan, a purpose or a reason to our existence? Will we pass, as those before us, into oblivion, into the sixth extinction that scientists warn is already in progress? Or will the mystery be revealed through a sign, a symbol, a revelation?" ~Scully's voice-over in Biogenesis

Season 7
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"I came in search of something I did not believe existed. I've stayed on now, in spite of myself. In spite of everything I've ever held to be true. I will continue here as long as I can... as long as you are beset by the haunting illness which I saw consume your beautiful mind. What is this discovery I've made? How can I reconcile what I see with what I know? I feel this was meant not for me to find but for you ... to make sense of -- make the connections which can't be ignored... connections which, for me, deny all logic and reason. What is this source of power I hold in my hand -- this rubbing -- a simple impression taken from the surface of the craft? I watched this rubbing take its undeniable hold on you, saw you succumb to its spiraling effect."  ~Scully's voice-over in The Sixth Extinction

"Even when my whole world was unrecognizable and upside down, there was one thing that remained the same.  You were my friend, and you told me the truth.  You're my constant.  My touchstone."
"And you are mine."  Mulder/Scully in The Sixth Extinction II: Amor Fati

"Snake-handling. . .I didn't learn that in catechism class."
"That's funny, I knew a couple of Catholic school girls who were expert at it."  ~Scully/Mulder in Signs and Wonders

"The camera doesn't always tell the whole story."  ~Mulder in X-Cops

"You do keep me guessing."  ~Mulder (about Scully) in Theef

"Time passes in moments ... moments which, rushing past define the path of a life just as surely as they lead towards its end. How rarely do we stop to examine that path, to see the reasons why all things happen, to consider whether the path we take in life is our own making or simply one into which we drift with eyes closed.  But what if we could stop, pause to take stock of each precious moment before it passes? Might we then see the endless forks in the road that have shaped a life? And, seeing those choices, choose another path?"  ~Scully's voice-over in All Things

"... I'm not wearing any pants right now."  ~Mulder in All Things

"I once considered spending my whole life with this man. What I would have missed."
"I don't think you can know. I mean, how many different lives would we be leading if we made different choices. We... We don't know."
"What if there was only one choice and all the other ones were wrong? And there were signs along the way to pay attention to."
"Mmm. And all the... choices would then lead to this very moment. One wrong turn, and... we wouldn't be sitting here together. Well, that says a lot. That says a lot, a lot, a lot. That's probably more than we should be getting into at this late hour."  ~Scully/Mulder in All Things

"Crazy people can be very persuasive."
"Well, yes, I know that."
"Maybe true faith is really a form of insanity."
"Are you directing that at me?"
"No!"  ~Mulder/Scully in Hollywood A.D.

"What, the mouth thing? Yeah, well, that-- you know, that's-that's just, uh, that's, like... chemicals."
"Yeah, you know, like, people store weird chemicals, well like... my brother one time, he smelled this weird smell? You know, he's just a guy with a meth lab, like in one of the storage units, so you know, that's actually probably something you guys should look into-- take a look into that... you know, I'm going to get going, so I'm going to go, okay?"  ~Leslie Stokes/Scully in Je Souhaite

"I'm invisible! Invisible, baby! Whoo!"  ~Anson Stokes in Je Souhaite

"Yeah, it's always: 'Give me money.  Gimme big boobs.  Gimme a big hoo-hoo.  Make me cool like the Fonz.'"  ~Jenn in Je Souhaite (This is my second favorite quote of all time from the X-Files... don't ask me why, it just makes me laugh so hard.  I think it has something to do with the way she says it.:P

"You know, I think I'm beginning to see the problem here. You say that most people make the wrong wishes, right?"
"Without fail.  It's like giving a chimpanzee a revolver."  ~Mulder/Jenn in Je Souhaite

"So you expect me to change the hearts of six billion people? No religion in history has been able to pull that off. Not Allah or Buddha or Christ. But you'd like me to do that in your name? So... what? You can feel real good about yourself?"  ~Jenn in Je Souhaite

Season 8
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"I can't take the chance that I'll never see him again."  ~Scully in Without

"Never give up on a Miracle."  ~Mulder in Per Manum

"Mulder...  I was just about to take a shower, but I was waiting for the pizza guy."
"You got something going on with the pizza guy that I should know about?"
"No.  Why?"
"Well, correct me if I'm wrong, Scully, but you just said that you were waiting for the pizza guy to take a shower!"
"No, well, what I meant was... the pizza guy is always late and... you wanna come in?  [He walks inside]  I feel like I'm stuck in an episode of Mad About You."
"Yeah, except that Mad About You was a tv show about a married couple and, ah... we just work together."
"Yeah, well... you know what I mean."  ~Scully/Mulder in Empedocles

"I saw Elvis in a potato chip once."  ~Mulder in Empedocles

"Can I ask you something?"
"When you went to Antarctica to save Agent Scully from being taken by that spaceship and you ran out of gas in your Sno-cat. How did you get back?"
"Um, well, first of all, it was never (coughs) actually proven that it was a spaceship ..."
"It wasn't?"
"Well, no, what happened was that we fell off of something that ..."
" ... that rose out of the ice."
"Well what do you think that was?"
"Well, I don't know what it was. But we never got, we didn't actually get to see a spaceship."
"I can't believe that you're saying it's not a spaceship."
"Well, it couldn't have been a spaceship."
"Course it was a spaceship."
"Well, we don't know it was a spaceship. But you don't have a picture of it or anything."
"You know it was a spaceship. You saw it."
"No, no, no, no, remember, I was unconscious and when I woke up there was no spaceship."
"Now, come on, Scully. It was a spaceship."
"Mulder, n-n-n-no.... And then you were frozen, and I hugged you until you weren't frozen anymore..."  ~Leyla Harrison/Mulder/Scully in Alone

"We call it the miracle of life. Conception: A union of perfect opposites-- essence transforming into existence-- an act without which mankind would not exist and humanity cease to exist.  Or is this just nostalgia now? An act of biology commandeered by modern science and technology? Godlike, we extract, implant, inseminate... and we clone.  But has our ingenuity rendered the miracle into a simple trick? In the artifice of replicating life can we become the creator? Then what of the soul? Can it, too, be replicated? Does it live in this matter we call DNA? Or is its placement the opposite of artifice, capable only by God.  How did this child come to be? What set its heart beating? Is it the product of a union? Or the work of a divine hand? An answered prayer? A true miracle? Or is it a wonder of technology-- the intervention of other hands? What do I tell this child about to be born? What do I tell Scully?  What do I tell myself?"  ~Mulder's voice-over in Essence

[Krycek is holding a gun on Mulder] "Doesn't seem fair now. Doesn't seem right. Coming down to this."
"What do you know about fair or right, Krycek? You're a coward."
"I could've killed you so many times, Mulder. You've got to know that. I'm the one that kept you alive.  Praying you'd win somehow."
"Then there really is no God."
"You think I'm bad. That I'm a killer. We wanted the same thing, brother. That's what you don't understand."
"I wanted to stop them. All you wanted was to save your own ass."
"No. I tried to stop them. Tried to kill Ö Scully's baby to stop them. It's too late. The tragedy is that you-- you wouldn't let it go. That's why I have to do this. 'Cause you know how deep it goes. Right into the FBI."
"You want to kill me, Alex, kill me. Like you killed my father. Just don't insult me trying to make me understand."
[Krycek begins to pull the trigger, but just before he can, Skinner shoots him in the arm.  He falls to the ground but reches for his fallen gun with his prosthetic arm.]
"It's going to take more bullets than you can... ever fire to win this game. But one bullet... and I can give you a thousand lives."
[Skinner looks up at MULDER.]
"Shoot Mulder."
[Skinner looks at Mulder. Mulder looks at Skinner. Skinner raises his gun and fires. Krycek, the Rat, falls to the ground, a bullet hole between his eyes.]  ~Krycek/Mulder in Existence

"Mulder, when I first became pregnant, I feared the truth... about how... and why.  And I know that you feared it too."
"I think what we feared were the possibilities... the truth we both know."
"Which is what?"
[Big fat open-mouthed smooch- yee haw!] ~Scully/Mulder in Existence

Season 9
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"One day, you'll ask me to speak of a truth - of the miracle of your birth. To explain what is unexplained. And if I falter or fail on this day, know there is an answer, my child, a sacred imperishable truth, but one you may never hope to find alone. Chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite - your protector and endangeror. Chance embarking with this other on the greatest of journeys - - a search for truths fugitive and imponderable. If one day this chance may befall you, my son, do not fail or falter to seize it. The truths are out there. And if one day you should behold a miracle, as I have in you, you will learn the truth is not found in science, or on some unseen plane, but by looking into your own heart. And in that moment you will be blessed - and stricken. For the truest truths are what hold us together, or keep us painfully, desperately apart."  ~Scully's voice-over in Trust No 1

"I want to see him *so* bad."  ~Scully (about Mulder) in Trust No 1

"I just missed you both so much."  ~Mulder (to Scully about her and William) in The Truth

"But what is the point? To destroy a man who seeks the truth, or to destroy the truth so that no man can seek it? Either way, you lose!" ~Monica Reyes to Kersh & The Tribunal in The Truth (Submitted by Pattie)

Movie Quotes
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"The impossible scenario that we never planned for?  Well, we'd better come up with a plan."  ~Bronschweig

"I had you"
"No you didn't."
"Oh yeah, I had you big time."
"You had nothing!"
[inside the building]
"I saw your face, Mulder.  There was a definite moment of panic."
"You've never seen me panic. When I panic, I make this face."  [stares blankly]
"That was the face."
"You didn't see that face."
"I saw that face!"  ~Scully/Mulder

" I need you on this, Scully."
"You don't need me, Mulder.  You never have.  I've just held you back... I gotta go."
"You want to tell yourself that so you can quit with a clear conscience.  You can, but you're wrong."
"Why did they assign me to you in the first place, Mulder?  To debunk your work, to reign you in, to shut you down."
"But you saved me!  As difficult and as frustrating as it's been sometimes, your goddamned strict rationalism and science have saved me a thousand times over.  You've kept me honest.  You made me a whole person.  I owe you everything... Scully, and you owe me nothing.  I don't know if I want to do this alone.  I don't even know if I can.  And if I quit now, they win."  ~Mulder/Scully

"What are you doing?"
"Reading his chart!"
"Well, put it down!"
"I'll put it down when I'm ready!"  ~Langly/Frohike